How Did I Create Something So Amazing?

I love this little man. Poor Roark had pneumonia, bronchitis, and an ear infection - it was our first visit to the ER, last week. He was a champ! Leaving the ER, he blew kisses to the nurses. Seriously. I'm not making this up.

He seemed to enjoy Christmas - he started to understand the concept of opening gifts, but he preferred sitting on the boxes - which I thought was pretty funny.

He absolutely loves playing with his cousins - just look at his face. For whatever reason he enjoys pulling LuLi's hair which she does not like at all.

Everyday Roark makes me aware of what love really is...

Happy Holidays

 

I love the Holidays. From the pictures above, Roark does not seem to share my same sentiment. I truly hope that will change with age, but I certainly won't force the issue.

Anyway, Roark is walking all over the place and fast, too! He continues to warm my heart daily. This morning I was say, "What noise does a lion make?" He said, "Rrrr." Then I asked him, "What kind of noise does a dog make?" He said, "Rrrr..." Then I said "Woof woof," and he repeated it.

This kid cracks me up. Yesterday we went to the Museum of Contemporary Art where they had this textile exhibit and you could walk on a "display." Roark LOVED it! Rolling around all over and flirting with a complete stranger.

What can I say - Casanova.

Thankful

Yesterday was Roark's Thankful Luncheon at his daycare. As you can see by the photo - he wasn't too thankful to be eating his lunch as he was about to flip his plate over. Roark just doesn't seem to be interested in eating food other than graham crackers, goldfish crackers, these veggie puff things, and french fries. Yes, french fries. Part of it, I believe, is that he likes to be in control - which is a trait that I think he gets from me.

It seems that everyday I find another thing or person to be thankful for which makes me appreciate my life, friends, and family even more. I truly hope these individuals know how special they are to me and the impact they have had on my daily life. So thank you to all.

Give Me Three Steps

Congratulations Roark! You took 3 big steps all on your own yesterday. Mom was so very proud, and so was Roark.

It was really funny too, Roark was pushing his little toy when suddenly he pushed it aside, took three steps, fell on his diapered butt and laughed out loud. Then he turned to me, crawled in my lap and laughed some more.

These are the moments I hope I never forget. The moments that warm your heart when the outside world can be so cruel and hateful.

These are the moments when a smile from your child reassures you that everything will be okay.

These are the moments that remind me what really matters in life.

These are the moments when I know Roark loves me and he knows I love him.

Halloween

 

Ha! How great was Halloween. Last Thursday Roark's school had a Halloween Parade. Look at my little man waving - sweet tail hanging off of the side of the cart.  We had a family theme - Roark was a mouse, Erik a cat, and I was cheese.

We also celebrated Roark's first birthday this past weekend. He really had a great time! He smashed some cake, but didn't eat it, and played with his cousins.

This morning was particularly delightful in that he just held on to me after he finished his bottle. This kid is amazing. I will treasure this morning for the rest of my days. 

Happy Birthday Roark!

Today marks a significant milestone in Roark's life, he turns 1!

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined motherhood could be so amazing. Roark has brought so much into my world and I continue to learn from him everyday.

• Laughter and distractions is what it is all about.
• If you are upset - distract yourself.
• Playing with balls really is fun.
• Gravity is pretty cool, as he likes to drop things and watch me pick 'em up.
• Elmo is the bomb.
• Pulling things off shelves is very therapeutic.
• Swings are wonderful.
• Music and dancing cures sadness.
• Hugs make everything better.
• A little drool never hurt anyone.
• "Wheels On The Bus" is a great song.
• Peek-a-boo is an awesome game - no matter what time it is.

Life really is beautiful, when you look at it through the eyes of a child. We could all learn so much from our children.

Expectations

 Definition: to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence of. Why do we, as humans, have these grand expectations of life? Why can't we control these thought patterns so we don't become so delusional. It's like you are on the "What If?" highway and you can't get off. It is like a bad dream when you are expecting the worse - but then you are pleasantly surprised. The time leading up to the actual event leaves you full of anxiety and dread when suddenly nothing happens and all of that angst was for not.

Then there are the times when we expect great things - only to be disappointed by the reality of the situation. You see, I expect people to think that when I am in a silly mood, that everything that comes out of my mouth is funny and they should laugh. But when they don't. Wah wah. Or I expect my parents to trust my judgement. I'm 39 years old, and they still don't trust my judgement. Not that I can blame them.

So going forward I'm really going to try to "manage expectations," by having none.

Why did I post such a great picture for such a blah entry? Expectations are like taking a photo - you really don't know the outcome until you press the button and capture that image at that particular moment. Back in the day, there was no instant gratification of seeing the picture until the film was developed. We always expected our photos to be perfect but then 9 times out of 10 we would be disappointed. Peoples heads would be cut off, a finger would be over the lens. Now with the evolution of the digital camera we can see the photo immediately.

So back to the photo. This particular day was an extremely emotional one for me. I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before, I felt like crap, things just weren't good. But Laura (her family used to live next door to us when we were in high school - she brought her sons up to visit us in Colorado where they currently reside) wanted to take pictures of our family. I expected a half-assed smile at best. To my surprise, she captured my sheer happiness of holding Roark. How this little man can make me happy - if only I could bottle it up.

Make Your Own Happy

Life is really too short not to be happy. Even when your husband greets you at the door with a stern look and a harsh tone.

It is not fair to be treated that way.

So what do I do? Make My Own Happy.

How do I make my own happy? Focus on the positives, like Roark. He really has a great personality. Yesterday I was at the grocery store with Roark picking out some food for him. Suddenly he began to laugh. I really didn't know what he was laughing at until I looked on the shelf that was at his level. There was Elmo on a package of food. I picked it up and handed it to him which caused him to laugh even harder. I got what I needed and continued on our way when a woman stopped me. She asked, "Does your son recognize Elmo? How old is he?" I answered her questions and she stated that her daughter does not recognize Elmo and she is two years old.

Is that a good thing that Roark knows Elmo? It makes him happy, so why not? Although he doesn't look too happy in this picture - he is gnawing on Elmo.

It is times like this where I take stock of my life. Earlier I wrote (last year about Thanksgiving time), about being thankful everyday, not just waiting until Thanksgiving. I am thankful everyday. Not a day goes by where I don't reflect upon the people who have touched me in a significant way. I do my best to let these people know how truly wonderful they are.

My friends. Holy cow. Where would I be without them? Jill, Jean, Joanne, (No my friends are not all J names), Amberlyn. I can go on, but these women give me strength. They are my rocks.

Recently I started working again. Seema - another working mother has been an inspiration. So blatantly honest about the world within these walls here at work. So helpful.

Christine, another co-worker, who has such a wonderful caring attitude. So unique these days.

And then Phil. He continues to guide me along my path here at work which is much needed.

But when all is said and done when the sun sets - Roark makes me happy. He teaches me not to take myself too seriously, or to let the quiet within my union distort my worldview. Life is too short - and there are so many things to be happy about.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today I turn 39. Getting older doesn't bother me. The fact that I turn 40 next year actually surprises me. I feel as good, if not better, than when I was in my twenties.

Alas, it has been a rough morning. A rat, a opossum, a husband who isn't talking to me, an email from my boss pointing out I did something wrong...

But then I see this boy. I hear his laugh. He wraps his little arms around my neck as if to say, "I love you Momma, no matter what," and everything is better.

Thank you Roark - you are AMAZING.

Also - thank you to Jean Smith for sending Rainbow and Unicorn farts my way.

Ode To John Denver

I'm not sure why, but the other night I had a dream about John Denver. Evidently I was hanging out with his son, who left to go get sandwiches or something.

While he was gone, John asked me to go into the hot tub which was outside with a beautiful mountain view. I told John I couldn't but then I thought to myself, I wonder if John knows he is going to die soon.

How sad is that?

You see, subconsciously I am thinking about Mr. Denver because we are approaching the 15th anniversary of his death, which happens to be my birthday. He was flying one of those single engine planes and crashed it along the California coast.

He was a talented man...with a rather sad life. He seemed to be a romantic at heart but battled the demons of being an alcoholic.

I guess it is safe to say that no one is perfect (except Roark of course).

Riddle me this...

Why don't parent's put down their phones, stop watching TV, and get on the ground and play with their children?

E-mails can wait, Facebook is a time waster, TV is mind-numbing - but playing with your child is fun and rewarding. It is a wonderful bonding experience.

Just the other day, Erik said that all I do when I get home from work is stomp around "worried" about getting Roark to go to sleep. What he fails to notice is that for the first hour to two hours I'm home is that I am playing on the floor with Roark. After an exhausting day - I do not have the freedom or liberty to go sit out in the backyard, relax, play on my phone - no. I have to play with my son. I want to play with my son.

It is a shame that more parents don't feel that way.

Where Did The Time Go?

It is hard to believe that Roark is going to be 1 in 24 days. He really is a true blessing to my life. When things are difficult, I can count on him for a pick me up.

What is truly amazing is that I'm not the only one that sees this in him. Sure I'm the mother and I brag. But the daycare providers, his teachers, his swim class teachers, the nurse practitioners, strangers, etc. This kid has something. Warms my heart to see how much joy he brings to others. Ms. Tameka and Ms. Lydia are his teachers at Bright Horizons. Every time I pick him up or drop him off they have a story to tell. This morning it was how Roark has a crush on Lilly - she is 6-months-old. Evidently Lilly was on her back and Roark crawled over to her, Lilly extended her arms and Roark went in for the kiss. My son, the Casanova of Infant Room 1.

Laughter of a Child Is The Music of the Gods

Look at those thighs! That Smile. Beautiful. Laughter of a child IS the music of the gods. Words really cannot describe what I feel when I hear Roark laugh. I swear that if we could pipe children's laughter throughout the streets, workplaces, and homes, peace would reign.

Today, Roark is officially 11 months old. He is mad army scooter, crawler, stander, and silly little man. He loves to play, is totally active, and enjoys to put whatever he is holding in his hands up high and drop them - testing the power of gravity. He is a cassanova at school giving his friends hugs and kisses. I got to witness it this morning when he crawled over to Ethan to give him a sloppy zombie kiss. However, his heart belongs to little Neela. They crawl around, chasing each other and laughing - a truly awe-inspiring sight.

Roark is a true blessing. I love him more and more every day. When I hold him, he wraps his little arm around my neck - almost knowing that I needed that hug. Sometimes, he will even wrap his little hand around my finger, or rub my arm, as if to say, "Mom, everything will be okay."

This kid is amazing.

Life is a Roller Coaster

The past couple of months have been a little difficult for me. Back in March, I was laid off as the company decided to go a different route and eliminated our department.

Initially, I was okay with it...but as time went on I started to stress out. Was I losing my identity? Who was I turning into?

During the time off, Roark and I took some music classes - it was wonderful. He really enjoyed it...as did I. Every minute I get to spend with my little man, my love for him grows. It has been amazing to watch her personality unfold. He is a funny little guy...and is full of smiles. One mother from the music class said that Roark will probably be class clown which I took as a compliment. Following in his mother's shoes.

He does this thing now where he scrunches his nose and breathes heavily...it is pretty darn funny. He will also copy you if you make raspberries...

At his 9-month appointment he was 31.5 inches, 22 lbs (I believe).

It is hard to believe that he is 10-months old...

Television Debut...

Please excuse the long overdue entry to the blog. I've encountered some technical difficulties, but I think I'm back. I hope I am.  Anyway, Roark is a week away from turning 9 months old! Holy cow, has the time flown.

Currently, Roark is working on getting 3 teeth in at once. I'm exhausted, as he isn't sleeping through the night. In all honesty, he is still a great boy, despite the fact he cries a little bit every now and then. He also wants to be held more, which I don't mind at all.

He is still a very sweet boy...who likes to lick the other babies heads in daycare. What can I say, he's a casanova!

Roark's Television Debut

Busy At Work

Roark is certainly keeping me busy these days...he is my full-time job, and I love it. The benefits are WONDERFUL. This morning, I made up a song called "Morning tickles create morning giggles." I love, love, LOVE, hearing his giggle.

He is still a cuddler, loves to roll around and army scoot all over.

I know I say this all the time, but I truly think my heart is going to burst when I think about how much I love him. How much I hope he loves life, enjoys everything, and is an all-around happy kid. Is that too much pressure? I sure hope not.

You can't have shit in a squeak toy

This is the phrase that pays today. My poor little man had a complete blowout in his car seat (first time ever) this morning. I was everywhere in his car seat and I couldn't get the damn cover off. You need an engineering degree to remove it...

Needless to say, Roark also got poop on his squeak toy. One of his favorite toys, too. Luckily, I was able to pick up a replacement.

Unfortunately the smell has not left my nasal passage.

Don't miss a moment...

If I could bottle up Roark's smile, or his giggles, I would. Even in my most saddest times, all I need to do is see his smile or hear his giggle.

Warms my heart.

He continues to amaze me with his ability to be wowed by everything.

It saddens me to see parent's not relish in these times of their children. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I can't take me eyes off of him (also because he is rolling all over the place these days). I just want to tell others to put down their smartphone, and iPhone and watch the beauty of their children growing up.

Get on the floor and play with them. Blow raspberries with them. Enjoy these times, because it is our turn to be a child again.

Mother's Day

Dear Roark,

Thank you for coming into my life. You have brought me so much joy, love, and happiness - experiencing feelings I've never imagined.

Every day I am filled with awe by you. From hugging my hand to your chest, your open mouth kisses, sneezing food on me, holding my finger, your giggles, to pulling your legs to your chest in laughter, each day I love you more.

Today I am celebrating you, and thank you, for making me who I am, a better person and an ecstatic mother.

All my love, yesterday, today, and forever,
Mom

Be Still, Blueberries

Nice title, eh? Well hopefully by the end of this entry you will understand...

So I had the genius idea to feed Roark blueberries this morning. I pureed them, added oatmeal and viola - breakfast of champions. He loved it, and I loved feeding them to him, until he sneezed them all over me...but alas - he finished two bowls and made me and his Aunt Mary proud. I'm thankful that I didn't feed him until after I dressed him for the day.

Now, regarding the be still - yes I did say that to Roark as I was feeding him but it is also a name of a song by The Fray. It is the latest entry to my songs I like to sing to the little man, while sobbing like a baby. Roark, just laughs at me...here are the words and a link to the song, go ahead and sing...and cry.

"Be Still"

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am

Be Still

6 Month Doctor's Update

This week, we had Roark's 6-month doctor's appointment.

He weighed in at 19 lbs. 13 oz (90%)
Height was 28.5 inches (95%)
and 46 cm head (95%)

He is a big boy. He did AMAZING while getting his shots - hardly cried. The doctor said that he is at the measurements of a 12-month old and from a milestone perspective, he is at 9-months. He is sitting up, and rolling around all over. He is certainly demonstrating the crawling movements, so I need to get in shape-fast.

This week we tried yogurt, oatmeal, turkey, chicken. He likes the yogurt, and the oatmeal did okay; the meats needed to be mixed with pears and apples - then he ate the whole thing!!!

Yesterday, I participated in a market research project and I brought the little man. Funniest thing happened during the event, Roark grunted--loud. I was afraid a death smell would over power us, but needless to say - he just grunted loud and LONG. Awesome...

Add It To My List Of Favorites

By now, it is pretty obvious that Roark has stolen my heart. Seriously what isn't there to love about this little man....I mean-check out those thighs!!!

But lately, he does this thing where he hugs my arm, or hand, against his chest. Oh man...not a day goes by where he doesn't warm my heart.

This week is going to be challenging. Erik is out of town, so it is just me, the little man and the four beasts. It was rather sad to drop him off at daycare today but at least I have something to look forward to - picking him up.

6 Month Update

Four Days Old

6 Months Old

Today Roark is 6 months old. He is currently rolling around on the ground after a lunch of apples and a bottle. He also, had green beans this morning, which he sneezed all over me. Happy 6-month Birthday!

Swimming

Baby Roark started swim classes the other week. He enjoys it for the most part, but doesn't care for being turned on his back. Truth be told, I'm a nervous wreck at the beginning of every class but once the class begins my worries subside and I'm just amazed by Roark's enjoyment of swimming.

My Apologies

I apologize for the last entry. It was a bit of a downer...

Here are some pictures of Roark on Easter...he is such a fun little boy. I'm fully aware that Roark will hate these pictures when he is older, but he is so cute.

Today, I took him into school for his class photos. I will post them as soon as I get them...he looked really cute. For Easter, Roark got his teachers these really cute little "eggs" that were planters for flowers. It turns out, one of the teachers will be using the egg as part of her music class. She also said that once the flower blooms, she will plant it in the school garden. It warmed my heart that a little gift from Roark will be in the school garden.

Buzz Kill

I'm struggling. Big time...and I feel awful about it. How can I feel down when we are fortunate enough to have such a cute boy.

I'm overwhelmed with everything I have to do and I just can't seem to ask for help. Why do I have to be so stubborn.

To boot, I have about 20 marble sized cysts along my c-section scar. Wah wah...just call me Debbie Downer. My doctor called me a medical mystery. So at least I have that going for me...that it is medically proven that I am a medical mystery.

Sweet Love

Roark and I spent some quality time with Nana, Aunt Mary, and his cousins Mei Li and Lu Li. It was a wonderful time and this little man did great! He slept through the night both nights and ate A TON!!!  I ended up having to go out for more formula.

Here is a picture that captures the love Roark's cousins have for him. Just look at how Mei Li is holding Lu Li's hand...heart warming. This picture warms my heart.

Can life get any better?

The weather in Chicago has been amazing. It is March 21, 2012 and we had to turn our air conditioning on...Roark's room was 86 degrees! Crazy.

Roark continues to make my heart dance. We had a big weekend this past week...we went to a friends house on Friday...stayed out rather late (I don't think Roark cried once). Saturday was St. Patrick's Day, and Sunday, Roark went swimming for the first time - he did AWESOME.

Sunday also marked date night. I had the great fortune of going out on a date with the best partner a woman could have. Erik and I went to a fabulous restaurant called MK and Roark got to stay home with his first babysitter...Sarah. Again, Roark did great!

Life gets hectic. It really does. There are so many things to be thankful for and happy about...it just sucks when the little curve balls that are thrown in front of us knock us off our path.

Life can't get any better than hearing Roark giggle, seeing him smile, watching him roll over (which he has been doing for like two weeks now), feeling him nuzzle my neck, holding my finger, and watching him entertain himself. 

Life can't get any better than the feeling I have when Erik touches my back, holds my hand, laughs at my silliness, or kisses my forehead. 

Life can't get any better than waking up next to your best friend.

This is what life is about - the small moments of sun bursting on your soul.

Sickness

Poor little Roark has been sick for the past week or so...breaks my heart. However, one would never know that he is ill because he is still all smiles!

As a matter of fact, last week at his follow-up doctors visit I was told he had an ear infection. As a result he is on medicine that keeps him up...poor thing.

Anywho...this little love of mine now rolls over. He first rolled over last Friday (March 9th). At first I thought it was just a fluke, but then on Saturday at my parent's house there he was, rolling over. As a result of this development I no longer can swaddle him...which I thought was why he couldn't sleep but then I found out it was because of his medicine.

I love this picture...it captures his beautiful personality. It has been really hard knowing that he is sick, but then when he smiles or tries to talk to me...holy cow. I've never experience this kind of love and admiration before and I just want to soak it all up.

I love this little guy...

Growth Update

So we had Roark's 4-month check up this week. His growth continues to be in the upper 90 percentile.

He is 26 3/4 inches long (charting at 95%)
He is 17 lbs 9 oz (90-95%)
and a head circumference of 45.1 cm.

The doctor said that he is about the size of a 9-month-old and has the motor skill development of a 6-month-old, with the exception of rolling over...which he can do any day now.

Here is an updated "Growth" photo, along with the previous "Growth" photos...

11.2.11

12.2.11

3.3.12

Four Months Old

Yes...he is a bit of a stud, isn't he. He is now four months old and later on this week we have his 4-month appointment.

Last week, he started doing this new thing before he starts crying, he sticks out his lower lip. When he does this, my heart breaks because I know he is about to start crying. I don't know how this started but it really pulls at the old heartstrings.

On a lighter note, I received a personalized rewards card from Dunkin' Donuts...do I go there too much?

How Come Crazy Shit Happens To Me?

Seriously, I thought the weird crazy things that happened to me were in the past...evidently not.

Thursday I had surgery on my left wrist and then sometime in a month or so, I will have surgery on the right one. I have what is called De Quervain's Tendinitis, aka "Mommy's Thumb." Feel free to read up on it...

De Quervain's Tendinitis

It has been hard because I feel the need to continue to be Wonder Woman but the pain is pretty intense. The good thing is I will still have use of my right hand so I can hold him, or even put him in his harness.

To make things interesting...I was diagnosed with strep this week. I didn't even know I was sick - my throat was sore, that was it.

In all seriousness...this little man brightens my day. If I'm frustrated, mad, sad, aggravated with Direct TV, all I need to do is look at this little love of mine.

Happy Valentine's Day

Need to laugh...

Billy On The Street

Respect

One thing that motherhood has opened my eyes to is having a greater respect for other mothers, especially single mothers.

Last week Erik was out of town so I had baby duty, cleaning duty, laundry duty, pet duty, work duty, etc. I was exhausted - I still don't know if I'm rested...I have so much respect for single mothers who do this every day. They are an inspiration to me...

Today was Roark's first day of daycare. I'm not going to lie, it was hard to drop him off, and I'm so looking forward to picking him up - I can't wait. But what has helped has been the advice from other mother's. As a matter of fact, I called some references of the daycare we are using and these women were AMAZING!!! They were all so helpful, honest, caring and simply wonderful. They truly alleviated my concerns, as have my friends, sister, and mother. If it weren't for these mothers who have been through this before, I don't know how I would handle daycare drop-offs, or anything else pertaining to raising a child.

I don't know what I'm doing, but there are plenty of mothers out there who have been through motherhood, that are willing to not only provide guidance, but also a shoulder to cry on when you need a good cry. Granted, not all advice is perfect but sometimes there are some gems - it pays to be open minded. A lot of things are learned by on-the-job training, and what might work for one child might not work for another...there are something that are worth trying.

Here is a photo of Roark after his first day at daycare...