Expectations

 Definition: to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence of. Why do we, as humans, have these grand expectations of life? Why can't we control these thought patterns so we don't become so delusional. It's like you are on the "What If?" highway and you can't get off. It is like a bad dream when you are expecting the worse - but then you are pleasantly surprised. The time leading up to the actual event leaves you full of anxiety and dread when suddenly nothing happens and all of that angst was for not.

Then there are the times when we expect great things - only to be disappointed by the reality of the situation. You see, I expect people to think that when I am in a silly mood, that everything that comes out of my mouth is funny and they should laugh. But when they don't. Wah wah. Or I expect my parents to trust my judgement. I'm 39 years old, and they still don't trust my judgement. Not that I can blame them.

So going forward I'm really going to try to "manage expectations," by having none.

Why did I post such a great picture for such a blah entry? Expectations are like taking a photo - you really don't know the outcome until you press the button and capture that image at that particular moment. Back in the day, there was no instant gratification of seeing the picture until the film was developed. We always expected our photos to be perfect but then 9 times out of 10 we would be disappointed. Peoples heads would be cut off, a finger would be over the lens. Now with the evolution of the digital camera we can see the photo immediately.

So back to the photo. This particular day was an extremely emotional one for me. I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before, I felt like crap, things just weren't good. But Laura (her family used to live next door to us when we were in high school - she brought her sons up to visit us in Colorado where they currently reside) wanted to take pictures of our family. I expected a half-assed smile at best. To my surprise, she captured my sheer happiness of holding Roark. How this little man can make me happy - if only I could bottle it up.