Reflection

This morning a friend of mine, who is 7 months pregnant, made a comment about her clothes not fitting. It made me think about my co-worker Michelle who was nice enough to explain to me maternity clothes...I know this is not a difficult concept but I remember being so overwhelmed in buying maternity clothes but Michelle's guidance really helped.

Thank you Michelle!!

3 Months Ago Today

It is hard to believe that is was 3 months ago that you entered our lives...thank you for making me a better person.

Concentration...

These days, Roark still looks like Erik, which is a good thing because I'm still battling my awkward stage. However, there is one attribute that Roark is exhibiting that comes from me; that is when he is concentrating on something (like the rattle in the picture above) he drools...just like his proud mother.

Roark continues to fascinate me...how he gets so happy with a smile, a bottle, or a silly song. I really wish that life was as simple as that...why couldn't it be that simple? 

I guess it could really be that easy...maybe I should concentrate on finding happiness in a bottle. Just kidding.

Life really can be that simple...finding the joy, fascination, entertainment, etc., in the small things. I write about it all the time.

Why do things have to get complicated? 

Back to work...

Yesterday marked my first day back to work in 12 weeks. It was great to get back into the swing of things...but at the end of the day I was exhausted.

My biggest challenge yesterday was when Roark decided to have a poop-explosion while I was changing him. Never before have I seen anything like this...he literally shot a little nugget across the changing table...disgusting I know, but rather amusing. 

Again I asked myself, how can something so cute do something so disgusting that can make me laugh...

Thank you Erik

A year ago today, Erik and I met. Little did I know that a simple request of "What is your favorite Christmas carol, or favorite song/musician?" could lead to a proposal, a wedding, and a baby.

Not a day goes by when I don't think about all of the joy and happiness that Erik has brought to my life. Not to be too sappy, this is how I described how I feel to Erik, but what he has brought to my life is like the Wizard of Oz. With the first part of the movie in black and white...then after the tornado (which for those of you who know my dating past...) the movie turns to color. I often get overwhelmed with my feelings and maybe I'm too emotional but I'm so thankful, grateful, etc. etc.

These feelings only grow stronger when I see him with Roark. How can I not fall deeper in love when I'm blessed with moments like these...

These are a few of my favorite things

• When Roark holds my finger
• When his feet are moving while he is being fed and about to fall asleep
• When he smiles
• Seeing Erik hold, feed, and talk with Roark 
• Playing peek-a-boo with Roark
• Reading to Roark
• Holding Roark and rocking him to sleep 
• When he smiles in his sleep
• When his face lights up with either Erik or I walk into the room
• The fact Roark is sleeping 7 hours

More to come...and loving every minute of it.

My Little Man

Roark isn't so little anymore...he is pretty much outgrown everything. He will soon be wearing Erik's clothes.

He is so much more interactive these days. Watching everything and making comments here and there. It is so wonderful to hear him make his noises.

Then when he smiles...warms my heart.

I've never experienced joy like this and I savor every moment. Just last night when I was holding him while he slept I took a mental snapshot of everything...the dark room, the warmth of him on my chest, the weight of his head on my arm, the feel of his skin, Annie's Song playing in the background (yes, he still falls asleep to John Denver and an occasional other artist)...

It is times like last night I realize that being angry, mad, frustrated with the world and being pissed off at the jackass at the grocery store who rammed his cart into mine, and holding those grudges isn't worth it. The weight that one carries with such anger really can distract from the beauty of life...

Life is as simple as finding happiness in a bouncy swing. It is a shame we don't have those for adults (unless you consider bungee jumping and equivalent which I would argue with based on the recent events of the woman falling into the crocodile infested waters...)Bungee.

When It Comes To Sleeping

Roark is a viking (to quote The Simpsons)...

Last night, Roark slept a straight 7 hours; me on the other hand was up at 1, 2, and 4:30 in anticipation of Roark waking up. I'm so thankful that he is able to sleep comfortably in his crib.

I'm also so thankful that he can fall asleep in my arms. To feel him nestle his head against my chest is one of the best feelings in the world. Then, when he takes his little arm and puts it on my shoulder...holy cow. This boy already has me wrapped around his finger...and I'm okay with that.

It's a Miracle

Roark has outgrown his bassinet so we are now transitioning him to his crib...this endeavor brings much sadness and worry.

Sadness because he is growing up and pretty soon he will be too big for me to hold and rock to sleep.

Worry because he doesn't seem to like his crib. Every time we tried to put him in his crib he started crying in 5 minutes...seriously we timed it. However, this week with his first set of shots, he actually slept for about 1/2 hour. So I was worried that when we tried to put him down for the night we would have to let him cry it out (which is hard to do because it sounds so awful to hear a baby cry), or we would be up every 1/2 hour, or we would have to find some crazy remedy to get him to sleep in his crib.

Big shock -  I'm one of those mom's that goes to the doctors with a list of questions (luckily I broke myself of the habit of calling the doctor's office weekly)... at his appointment this past week I asked the doctor for some recommendations to make the transition easier (because I didn't want Roark to resent me and take me to the Dr. Phil show to tell me what a bad mom I was - abandoning him in his crib when he was two months old). The doctor had some decent recommendations, but I still was nervous.

So Friday night was going to be the first night we were going to try getting him to sleep in his crib. Earlier that day my mom and I went shopping to find as many sleep swaddles for gigantic babies as possible, but then I remembered a friend had given me the Miracle Blanket. I had never used it before but I was prepared to try anything.

As our usual ritual at night, we gave Roark his bottle and by 9:15 he was passed out...we wrapped him in the Miracle Blanket and put him in his crib.  Slowly we walked out of his room and waited for him to cry. The cry didn't come until 2am. I was ecstatic. So I changed him, fed him, and rocked him back to sleep, anticipating he would cry as soon as I put him down in his crib. The cry didn't come until 6:30. The Miracle Blanket worked a miracle on that first night (that is a picture of him when I went to get him up).

Saturday night I had that same nervous knot in my stomach...will the Miracle Blanket work again? Sho'enough it sure did.

Thank you Miracle Blanket. Roark might resent me later in life, but I don't think it will be because of the transition to his crib.

10 Weeks Ago

10 weeks ago this little man came into my life, changing it forever.

Roark had his 2-month doctor's appointment today. This little munchkin, really isn't a munchkin...he is 24.5 inches, weighing in at 15lbs. The doctor told us that Roark is measuring off the charts and his size is typical of a six-month old.

He really is like Clifford, the Big Red Dog.

Goodbye 2011

Last year at this time I was dreading 2011.

My gut was telling me that it was going to be an emotional year and it was going to be rough. 2011 was going to kick my ass, trying my patience, and emotions. As a matter of fact, I rolled in the New Year by falling asleep before 10pm, wishing I could freeze time. I celebrated it the typical "Balls Out Thermos New Years" style.

However, I couldn't have been more wrong. I learned my lesson that my gut isn't always right.

2011 was by far the best year I've ever had. Looking back it was a year of firsts.

It was the first time I truly felt loved by someone. It was the first time I felt like I had a partner in crime. It was the first time that I saw love in someone's eyes and I felt it through every part of my soul. It was the first time I felt I could do anything. Thank you Erik.

It was the first time I held Roark. It was the first time I held Roark's hand. It was the first time I heard Roark cry. It was the first time I saw Roark's smile and heard his gobbled attempt to laugh.

It was the first time I felt the closest to my parent's in years. We have always been close, and maybe I've taken their love and support for granted, for that I'm sorry. Their support this year was tremendous. I will never forget the greatest compliment I ever received from my father regarding my skills as a mother.

It was the first time I met my niece Lu Li. It was the first time I got to witness Mei Li take on the responsibility of being a big sister, which she did and continues to do an excellent job.

It was the first time I really stopped to smell the roses. To take the time to relish in the small gifts that life gives you on a daily basis. From laughing with friends and family, to the quiet 2am feedings of Roark, life is beautiful. Take nothing for granted, find happiness everywhere, and feel loved always.

Also, 2011 was a very busy year.

I met Erik, got engaged, got pregnant, started a new job, planned a wedding, had a wedding, and had a baby.

By far, 2011 was the best year ever. I'm hesitant to say I'm looking forward to 2012, my gut isn't telling me good or bad, but then again...my gut isn't always right.

So it is with fond memories and a heavy heart, I bid adieu to 2011 and welcome the adventures to come.