Happy Birthday Roark!

Today marks a significant milestone in Roark's life, he turns 1!

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined motherhood could be so amazing. Roark has brought so much into my world and I continue to learn from him everyday.

• Laughter and distractions is what it is all about.
• If you are upset - distract yourself.
• Playing with balls really is fun.
• Gravity is pretty cool, as he likes to drop things and watch me pick 'em up.
• Elmo is the bomb.
• Pulling things off shelves is very therapeutic.
• Swings are wonderful.
• Music and dancing cures sadness.
• Hugs make everything better.
• A little drool never hurt anyone.
• "Wheels On The Bus" is a great song.
• Peek-a-boo is an awesome game - no matter what time it is.

Life really is beautiful, when you look at it through the eyes of a child. We could all learn so much from our children.

Expectations

 Definition: to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence of. Why do we, as humans, have these grand expectations of life? Why can't we control these thought patterns so we don't become so delusional. It's like you are on the "What If?" highway and you can't get off. It is like a bad dream when you are expecting the worse - but then you are pleasantly surprised. The time leading up to the actual event leaves you full of anxiety and dread when suddenly nothing happens and all of that angst was for not.

Then there are the times when we expect great things - only to be disappointed by the reality of the situation. You see, I expect people to think that when I am in a silly mood, that everything that comes out of my mouth is funny and they should laugh. But when they don't. Wah wah. Or I expect my parents to trust my judgement. I'm 39 years old, and they still don't trust my judgement. Not that I can blame them.

So going forward I'm really going to try to "manage expectations," by having none.

Why did I post such a great picture for such a blah entry? Expectations are like taking a photo - you really don't know the outcome until you press the button and capture that image at that particular moment. Back in the day, there was no instant gratification of seeing the picture until the film was developed. We always expected our photos to be perfect but then 9 times out of 10 we would be disappointed. Peoples heads would be cut off, a finger would be over the lens. Now with the evolution of the digital camera we can see the photo immediately.

So back to the photo. This particular day was an extremely emotional one for me. I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before, I felt like crap, things just weren't good. But Laura (her family used to live next door to us when we were in high school - she brought her sons up to visit us in Colorado where they currently reside) wanted to take pictures of our family. I expected a half-assed smile at best. To my surprise, she captured my sheer happiness of holding Roark. How this little man can make me happy - if only I could bottle it up.

Make Your Own Happy

Life is really too short not to be happy. Even when your husband greets you at the door with a stern look and a harsh tone.

It is not fair to be treated that way.

So what do I do? Make My Own Happy.

How do I make my own happy? Focus on the positives, like Roark. He really has a great personality. Yesterday I was at the grocery store with Roark picking out some food for him. Suddenly he began to laugh. I really didn't know what he was laughing at until I looked on the shelf that was at his level. There was Elmo on a package of food. I picked it up and handed it to him which caused him to laugh even harder. I got what I needed and continued on our way when a woman stopped me. She asked, "Does your son recognize Elmo? How old is he?" I answered her questions and she stated that her daughter does not recognize Elmo and she is two years old.

Is that a good thing that Roark knows Elmo? It makes him happy, so why not? Although he doesn't look too happy in this picture - he is gnawing on Elmo.

It is times like this where I take stock of my life. Earlier I wrote (last year about Thanksgiving time), about being thankful everyday, not just waiting until Thanksgiving. I am thankful everyday. Not a day goes by where I don't reflect upon the people who have touched me in a significant way. I do my best to let these people know how truly wonderful they are.

My friends. Holy cow. Where would I be without them? Jill, Jean, Joanne, (No my friends are not all J names), Amberlyn. I can go on, but these women give me strength. They are my rocks.

Recently I started working again. Seema - another working mother has been an inspiration. So blatantly honest about the world within these walls here at work. So helpful.

Christine, another co-worker, who has such a wonderful caring attitude. So unique these days.

And then Phil. He continues to guide me along my path here at work which is much needed.

But when all is said and done when the sun sets - Roark makes me happy. He teaches me not to take myself too seriously, or to let the quiet within my union distort my worldview. Life is too short - and there are so many things to be happy about.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today I turn 39. Getting older doesn't bother me. The fact that I turn 40 next year actually surprises me. I feel as good, if not better, than when I was in my twenties.

Alas, it has been a rough morning. A rat, a opossum, a husband who isn't talking to me, an email from my boss pointing out I did something wrong...

But then I see this boy. I hear his laugh. He wraps his little arms around my neck as if to say, "I love you Momma, no matter what," and everything is better.

Thank you Roark - you are AMAZING.

Also - thank you to Jean Smith for sending Rainbow and Unicorn farts my way.

Ode To John Denver

I'm not sure why, but the other night I had a dream about John Denver. Evidently I was hanging out with his son, who left to go get sandwiches or something.

While he was gone, John asked me to go into the hot tub which was outside with a beautiful mountain view. I told John I couldn't but then I thought to myself, I wonder if John knows he is going to die soon.

How sad is that?

You see, subconsciously I am thinking about Mr. Denver because we are approaching the 15th anniversary of his death, which happens to be my birthday. He was flying one of those single engine planes and crashed it along the California coast.

He was a talented man...with a rather sad life. He seemed to be a romantic at heart but battled the demons of being an alcoholic.

I guess it is safe to say that no one is perfect (except Roark of course).

Riddle me this...

Why don't parent's put down their phones, stop watching TV, and get on the ground and play with their children?

E-mails can wait, Facebook is a time waster, TV is mind-numbing - but playing with your child is fun and rewarding. It is a wonderful bonding experience.

Just the other day, Erik said that all I do when I get home from work is stomp around "worried" about getting Roark to go to sleep. What he fails to notice is that for the first hour to two hours I'm home is that I am playing on the floor with Roark. After an exhausting day - I do not have the freedom or liberty to go sit out in the backyard, relax, play on my phone - no. I have to play with my son. I want to play with my son.

It is a shame that more parents don't feel that way.

Where Did The Time Go?

It is hard to believe that Roark is going to be 1 in 24 days. He really is a true blessing to my life. When things are difficult, I can count on him for a pick me up.

What is truly amazing is that I'm not the only one that sees this in him. Sure I'm the mother and I brag. But the daycare providers, his teachers, his swim class teachers, the nurse practitioners, strangers, etc. This kid has something. Warms my heart to see how much joy he brings to others. Ms. Tameka and Ms. Lydia are his teachers at Bright Horizons. Every time I pick him up or drop him off they have a story to tell. This morning it was how Roark has a crush on Lilly - she is 6-months-old. Evidently Lilly was on her back and Roark crawled over to her, Lilly extended her arms and Roark went in for the kiss. My son, the Casanova of Infant Room 1.